Speaking in an interview, Mr. Muteteka said the PF government has shown commitment to creating more job opportunities for the young people.

Mr. Muteteka says it therefore important for youths to exercise patience and allow government to implement its employment creation plans.

The MMD national youth chairperson has further stated that the previous government put in place various initiatives such as attracting Foreign Direct Investment(FDI) as a means of creating employment opportunities for the youths.

In his address during the Labour Day commemorations in Lusaka on Tuesday, Republican President Michael Sata pledged government’s commitment to support the manufacturing industry which he said will create about 61 percent of jobs in the country.

Our staffer Nathan Nasilele reports that this was heard in a case in which Anastasia Mundu sued the man Phinias Musonza for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences as well as desertion.  The two got married in 2002 and have two children together.

Musonza who is of Zimbabwean origin said in his defence testimony that his marriage with Mundu has been very challenging especially in the area of sex.

“This woman has a problem when it comes to sex. Each time I asked for sex, she would get angry and try to commit suicide. She did this on several occasions.

“This made me afraid. That’s why I had to leave.

“Sometimes, she used to run away from home just because I asked for sex,” said Musonza who has been away for 10 months now.

He said he was saddened with Mundu’s decision to divorce him now that she had found herself a good job. “I am the one who paid for her tuition fees at college and even used my connections to get her a job. But now she wants to divorce me, its okay,” he said.

Earlier, Mundu said she had decided to part ways with Musonza because he had deserted her and had since married another woman. She added that when they were together, Musonza engaged in witchcraft activities.

“For instance, he stole my underpants and dipped them into a mixture of some African traditional medicines. He added the same juju to my cosmetics,” she said.

And when Mundu produced one of the pants in question as exhibit, the under pant was found to be powdered with an unknown black substance. Suspected human hair was also found glued to the pant.

Mundu said when she asked Musoza as why he used her underpants in his witchcraft activities; he could not give a clear response.

“One of things he said was that it was for protection. But then how can he use my pants for his own protection?” she wondered.

Mundu added: “But after a quarrel, he told me off that he used my pants to destroy my womanhood saying I was no longer a woman.”

But when asked by the court on what he knew about the pant which was presented as evidence, Musonza said he didn’t know anything about the pant because that was the first time he was seeing it.

And although he admitted to using African medicines at times, Musoza denied engaging himself in witchcraft activities.

During submissions, Mundu maintained that all she wanted was a divorce as she could no longer live with someone who practises African magic. Musonza however pleaded with the court not to dissolve the marriage.

But Senior Presiding Magistrate  (SPM) Lazarus Mwape (pictured above) did not hesitate to dissolve the marriage citing lack of seriousness on Musonza’s part.

Said Mwape:“You’ve been separated for more than 10 months.  But you didn’t make any effort to bring your wife back home.

“It appears your plan is to keep monitoring your wife so that whenever you see her with another man, you quickly sue for adultery and then the man compensates you.

“That is why is better for this marriage to be annulled so that we can free the young lady to go on with her life.”

Mwape further ordered that as per custom, Musoza should compensate Mundu with K 8 million. Mundu was also ordered to pay K250, 000 per month as child maintenance.

[Source: TIP-www.independentpost.net]

The recommendations included the 50 per cent plus one vote for an election of a Republican President and a provision for elected vice-president as a running mate of the presidential candidate.

The draft has also provided for a proportional representation system of electing members of Parliament (MPs), a system that would eliminate the holding of by-elections, if adopted.

To enhance separation of powers, the draft has proposed that Cabinet ministers be appointed from outside the National Assembly.

Committee chairperson, Annel Silungwe said at the launch in Lusaka yesterday that this feature emanated from nearly unanimous and persistent calls by the people who submitted on the subject during the previous Constitution review processes.

The draft Constitution has further recommended that traditional rulers should be barred from actively participating in partisan politics.

This is meant to maintain and uphold the dignity of the institution of chieftaincy and enable it to impartially discharge its functions, especially in a devolved system of governance.

The draft Constitution, which was launched to allow for a consultative process, is expected to be discussed by members of the public within 40 days.

Meetings have been arranged to take place at district, provincial and national level, while communities have been encouraged to organise themselves through schools, churches and other social groupings to provide comments on the draft.

President Michael Sata appointed the Technical Committee on the drafting of the Zambian Constitution which started work in November last year.

Copies of the Constitution would be widely circulated through the print media in seven major local languages.

The draft Constitution has also been posted on the committee’s newly-launched website, www.zambianconstitution.org, to allow as many people as possible access the document and make exhaustive comments.

►50 per cent plus one vote

►Vice-president as running mate of presidential candidate

►Cabinet to be appointed outside Parliament

►Proportional representation system of electing MPs

►Broadened Bill of Rights

►Separation of powers

►More power for HRC to redress violations

Mr Justice Silungwe announced during the launch in Lusaka yesterday that the first draft would be followed by the second draft after the technical committee has received comments from members of the public through conventions.

“What our draft says can be accepted, rejected or varied by the people before coming up with the final product.

“So in reading the first draft Constitution, do not feel bound, constrained or ordered to think and react in any particular manner,” he said.

The document has provided for separation of powers among the executive, the judiciary and the legislature to create checks and balances and to ensure accountability of the State and its officers to the people of Zambia.

He said the Bill of Rights which had been in place since independence had been broadened through the introduction of more rights for women, children, youths, persons with disabilities and older members of society.

The draft Constitution has provided for the people’s participation in governance, constitutionalism, and the rule of law, human rights, gender equality, gender equity and affirmative action.

It has also incorporated a democratic electoral system that would enhance representation of various groups in society, an electoral process that is free and fair with a level playing field, and an electoral environment that would minimise electoral malpractices.

The draft has enhanced the efficiency capacity and independence of the Electoral Commission of Zambia (ECZ) in order to ensure credibility in the electoral system.

Other inclusions are the strengthening of the Human Rights Commission by providing it with powers to redress human rights violations.

To enhance administration, the draft has provided for a constitutional court which would handle matters of human rights, and governance and elections, among other related matters.

Download the Fist draft copy here

The named man who is in his mid 20s drank the Mutototo shortly before he tied the knot with his lover on Saturday but has been forced to cut short his honeymoon because his manhood has been erect since then.

This is according to some nurses at Kasama General Hospital (KGH) who talked to The Independentpost.net on condition of anonymity.

According to the nurses, the man was brought to the hospital by ‘concerned’ relatives on Monday afternoon.

“We tried to put the man in very cold water but it (manhood) remained intact,” said one of the male nurses attending to the man, “ But now, what we have done is that we have given him drugs that will make sure that all the blood in the organ leaves and circulates elsewhere.”

The nurse added that the patient is likely to be in hospital for the next three days.

And another nurse who had no problems with idea of having his names published said cases of men suffering such bizarre side effects of sex enhancers like Mutototo are becoming very common in Kasama.

“We are having a lot of these cases in our days,” said the nurse who identified himself as Mulenga Kangwa, “I personally would like to appeal to all men not to resort to using these libido boosters. Most of them are not good for our health.”

But Ministry of Health (MoH) Spokesperson Dr Reuben Kamoto Mbewe when contacted for a comment  said he had not yet received the report.

Mutototo is one of the commonest libido boosters used among Zambian men.  Although it has been deemed  as “very effective” by men over the years, Mutototo has of late been in the news for the wrong reasons. In January this year, a Ndola man was admitted to hospital after he complained of a 2-week-long erection after taking Mutototo.

Another common sex enhancer is Congo dust which is imported from the neighbouring Democratic Republic of Congo.  Congo dust has however not received so much negative publicity.

[Source: The Independent Post]

Police spokesperson Elizabeth Kanjela says the suspect identified as Frank Muloshi aged 20, of Chilobela village in Livingstone was nabbed by police today, April 24, 2012 around 10:00 hours when he was being pursued by the members of the public.

Others being pursued are suspects by the names of Lucky Dube aged 26 of house number 10, Libuyu compound and Ronny Crispin Mfulo aged 25 of Nalime village in Livingstone both believed to be of foreign nationality were apprehended on Sunday after a tip of from members of the public.

The three are charged with two counts of murder contrary to section 200, three counts of aggravated robbery contrary to section 294 and one count of attempted murder contrary section 215 of cap 87 of the laws of Zambia.

Justice Regina Mwamba
The Arakan Barracks based Zambia Army soldier Abraham Mulenga aged 42 complained in a fully packed court room presided over by Principal Presiding Magistrate Regina Mwamba (shown right) that his girlfriend Lillian Musonda might end up killing him if she is not stopped now.

“One day, she followed me at my house while my wife was bathing. She straight away grabbed my trousers and reached for my private parts. She then pulled my manhood and then started squeezing my scrotum very hard,” Mulenga narrated amid laughter in the court room.

He added: “She went to squeeze and squeeze while I screamed helplessly. I asked why she was doing it and she was like ‘paka lelo yalafuma sperm intu mufwila ukufumya lyonse’ [Loosely translated: I will only stop squeezing when the semen you always fail to release during intercourse comes out].Your honour, this woman will kill me. Please tell her to stop squeezing my scrotum.”

Mulenga said this in case in which his wife Esnart Mulenga, 38 was demanding compensation from his girlfriend Lillian Musonda who is aged 26. Esnart alleged that Musonda on the same day she squeezed Mulenga’s scrotum hurled insults at her- a practice that is prohibited by Zambian customary laws. But Musonda pleaded not guilty to the charge.

Esnart told the court in her testimony that Musonda uttered the insults after she found her red-handedly pulling and squeezing her husband’s private parts and asked her why she was doing it.

“I was from bathing when I found her in my husband’s trousers. But when I inquired what she was doing in there, she descended on me.” Esnart said.

“She told me that my husband had run away from me because my private parts were too watery and muddy.   She uttered many other insults I can’t mention now,” she added.

Esnart further narrated that a fierce fight between her and Musonda then ensued resulting in her getting completely stripped of her clothes before an ‘over the moon’ crowd which also included children. She also alleged that Musonda assaulted her- a claim which was supported by a certified medical report from Maina Soko Military Hospital.

Esnart’s testimony was echoed by two of her witnesses which included her husband Abraham Mulenga.

But Musonda told the court that although she did grab Mulenga’s trousers, she neither squeezed his scrotum nor allege that his wife’s vagina was watery or muddy.

“When she came out of the bathroom, she did find me differing with her husband. But she straight away went into the house and put on a bombaser. She then came out and beat me up. She also insinuated that no man could stay with me because my mouth is wrongly positioned,” said Musonda whose left side of the face is scarred with fire burns and the mouth slightly mispositioned.

And although she did not produce any medical report, Musonda did show the court skin bites allegedly inflicted on her by Esnart during the fight in question.

Asked by the court why she did not report Esnart to the police for assault, Musonda answered that she did not take the step because Zambia Army authorities discourage its employee’s wives or relatives against dragging each other to either the police or courts.

And a defence witness, Bertha Musonda- who’s the defendant’s biological sister told the court that it was Esnart who actually hurled unprintables at her sister and not vice versa.

But in passing ruling on the matter, Principal Presiding Magistrate Mwamba found Musonda guilty of insulting Lillian and ordered her to pay K5 million as compensation. She discouraged them against insulting each other saying the practice was very bad. But she reminded Musonda of her right to appeal against the ruling if she wasn’t satisfied.

[Source: The Independent Post]

Our staffer, Emelda Yamfwa reports that this was heard at Lusaka Boma Local Court in a case in which Catherine Munkondia, 41 sued her husband John Kalunga aged 42 for divorce.  Kalunga objected to the divorce application before Principal Presiding Magistrate Regina Mwamba.

According to the court papers obtained by The Independent Post (TIP), Munkondia and Kalunga got married in 1987 and have four children between them. The couple has however been on separation since July 2011.

Munkondia testified that although she and Kalunga are on separation, he normally comes to her home. She narrated that on the material day, Kalunga asked her to explain why she was picking on weight despite complaining of being hit by severe hunger. She explained that when she failed to answer, Kalunga roughed her up.

“He was very annoyed. He was saying that the only explanation that a woman who is getting fat despite not having enough to eat could give was that she was getting fed the other way round.

“He said only men’s semen can make a woman who is not eating get fat. That’s how he beat me up severely. It had to take neighbours to stop the fight,” Munkondia said.

She complained further that Kalunga was so insecure and jealous that he stops her from using cosmetics to beautify herself because he believes that could make her attractive to other men.

“His jealousy has even made him cut into pieces my mattress because he believes if he gets rid of the mattress, I will have nothing to use when committing adultery. But this is unfair because I don’t commit adultery at all,” she complained.

But although Kalunga in his defence acknowledged being involved in a fight with Munkodia last week, he denied assertions that he beat her up because of her sudden weight gain. He said the fight was because of some other reason he however did not mention.

But Kalunga blamed his decision to leave home on his wife  whom accused of being in the habit of coming home very late.

“How can I stay with a wife who not only talks too much but also comes home very late? She drinks too much alcohol. That is why I left. But now because I have forgiven her, I want her back,” he declared.

Munkondia however refused to get back with Kalunga saying he was just pretending to be a changed man but would get back to his old ways once they were returned home. Even after several attempts by the court to make her reunite with Kalunga, Munkondia still refused.

Principal Presiding Magistrate Mwamba thus dissolved the marriage saying there was very little she could do.

“Here, we do try to unite couples but when everything is tried and still nothing comes forth, we go ahead and annul the marriage. That is exactly what we will do in this case,” she ruled.

She ordered Kalunga to pay Munkondia K 3 million as compensation and asked him to pay another K250, 000 per month as the child maintenance allowance for their four children.

[Source: TIP-www.independentpost.net]

This was heard in a case in which Philip Phiri, 36 sued his 27-year-old wife Malambo Moonga for divorce before Senior Court Magistrate Hilda Choonya.  Malambo, a security guard by occupation did not object to the divorce.

Court records obtained by The Independent Post indicate that the couple of Lusaka’s Kanyama Compound got married in 2002 and have 2 children together.

Phiri said in his testimony that his marriage with Malambo had never been peaceful. He complained that Malambo does not regard him to be the head of the family as she disregards his rules with impunity.

“The issue of family planning is one of them. We only have two children are still very young. But then, she has already taking contraceptives. I disallowed that a long time ago but I still don’t understand why she still takes the family planning pills,” Phiri said adding, “Her behaviour is shocking! How can she want to stop having children when it was not yet about time her birth canal got closed?”

Phiri complained further that he was fed up of being battered by Malambo’s siblings as she was in the habit of summoning them whenever he quarrelled with her. He added that for the past two years, Malambo had been refusing to wash his clothes.

But Malambo who gave a nearly one hour and thirty minutes long testimony explained that  the issue of family planning had brought a lot of problems in her marriage.

Said Malambo:“He banned me from taking any type of contraceptive a long time ago. But I took them secretly. One day, he caught me red-handed taking them. He was very annoyed. He said he would never allow me to eat his Nshima for free without giving him children.”

She added that as punishment for taking the contraceptive without his clearance, Phiri made her sleep in the cold for four nights.

But Malambo explained that the only reason she took family planning pills was because Phiri was in no position to support more children.

“We have two children at home. Your honour, can you kindly ask him the last time he bought washing soap for these kids. Since we got married, he has only been leaving K1500 which he expects us to use for breakfast and lunch!” she said.

“What is the use of getting pregnant for a man who can’t support the child when it’s born? If he can fail to look after two children, what guarantee do I have that he is going to support the children he wants me to have for him?”

She revealed that Phiri was so stingy that has since recalled their 8-year-old daughter from school. “One morning, he just woke up and tore our daughter’s school uniform saying sending her to school was a waste of resources and time because being a girl, she would get herself pregnant as soon as she reached puberty and quit school. So, our daughter does not go to school,” Malambo said.

She also admitted to not washing Phiri’s laundry but was quick to point out that this was so because he does not buy washing soap.

Asked by the court if it was true that he only left Malambo with K1500 for breakfast and lunch, Phiri responded in the affirmative but explained that it was for a good reason.

“This woman likes coming home late. So, when you give her amounts as big as K30,000 or K50,000 for lunch, you definitely won’t find her home. Sometimes, she will use the whole lot of it on useless things like salon. But when you leave her with only K1000, you will definitely find her at home… the ‘one pins’ are a way of keeping her at home,” Phiri said amid laughter in the court room.

And Phiri vehemently refused to reconcile with Malambo even after the court tried on more than seven occasions to get them back together. Malambo also behaved similarly when the court attempted to reconcile her with Phiri.

Thus Senior Presiding Magistrate Choonya had no option but to grant divorce to the couple.

“ Here, we don’t find pleasure in divorcing  people. Like God, we hate divorce. But our hands are tied when both parties want divorce,” Choonya said.

She however ruled that Phiri compensates Malambo with 8 million Kwacha and that he also maintains his two children with K 200,000 every month. According to the law, this K200,000 is to  be paid every month until one of the children turns 18. It is subject to review every year.

[Source: TIP-www.independentpost.net]

Senior Presiding Magistrate (SPM) Elipher Mwewa (pictured left) who was sitting with Senior Court Magistrate (SCM) Abyshine Michelo annulled the marriage of Collins Kakoma after his wife Phalesy Nkhoma complained among other things of wife battering and extra marital affairs on the police officer’s part.

According to the court documents obtained by The Independentpost.net (TIP), the pair got married in 1992 and has 3 children together. The couple has however been separating time and again.

Nkhoma, a house keeper at one of the hotels in Lusaka said in her testimony that she could no longer withstand being battered by Kakoma. She said Kokoma has been severely battering her since they got married. She also said that Kokoma drinks too much alcohol adding that he even fails to buy food at home.

She also claimed that Kakoma, being one of few police officers from Lusaka deployed to Western Province after the Barotseland protests last year, was one of the officers who impregnated the 30 school girls. She added that Kakoma has since last year been admitting to impregnating one of the school girls but shifted his goal post after Inspector General of Police Stella Libongani announced over a week ago that she would take disciplinary action against all police officers who impregnated the girls.

Nkhoma also told the court that Kokoma is fond of using inflammatory language against her saying he has been accusing her of being an AIDS patient.

But Kakoma in his defence testimony denied impregnating any of the 30 school girls.

“How can I impregnate the School girl when I was deployed to Mumbwa and not Limulunga. I was in Mumbwa with the Barotseland suspects who were arrested after the protests. I never went to Western Province. I don’t know what she is talking about,” said Kakoma.

Kakoma also bitterly complained that following rumours that he had impregnated one of the school girls, his wife had been denying him sex.

“Since January, my wife has been sleeping in the sitting room leaving me alone in the bedroom. I am not having any sex because she refuses even when I follow her in the sitting room. It’s not easy,” he complained.

Kakoma also accused his wife of engaging into extra marital affairs. He said his wife was seeing a UTH driver he identified only as Nkhuwa.

Kakoma went on to accuse his wife of being violent saying she was in the habit of stabbing him with a knife whenever they quarrelled. He also said Nkhoma had stabbed in the stomach one of their daughters after she asked her not to engage into extra marital affairs.

He told the court that although his wife wanted to divorce him, he still loved her.

And asked by the court if she could consider forgiving Kakoma if given time to reflect on the matter, Nkhoma refused saying she had divorced and reconciled with the law enforcer several times but he still has not changed. Nkhoma insisted on divorce even after the court asked her to reconsider the decision.

Thus SPM Mwewa dissolved the marriage citing irreconcilable differences. She quipped that although one could force a donkey to a river, the animal could not be forced to drink from the river.

She said the court was saddened with reports of unfaithfulness and violence in the marriage.  SPM Mwewa however ruled that since this is the second time the couple was divorcing (but later reconciled), Kakoma would only pay Nkhoma K6 million as compensation.

But when Kakoma was asked to pay the court fees amounting to just K70,100 only, the police officer failed to pay saying he was yet to get paid. The court then informed Kakoma that if he failed to pay the court fees, he would be cited for contempt and risk getting jailed for about a month. Kakoma was however saved by Nkhoma who paid the K70,100 for him after paying hers.  But Nkhoma reminded Kakoma that the K70,100 she had paid for him was not a grant but a loan which she expected him to pay back this month end with interest.

Nkhoma also used this opportunity to tell off Kakoma that she didn’t even need the K6 million compensation the court asked him to pay her.

“I have a more sensible and paying job than yours,” she said. “Use that money (K6 million) to buy food for the children you’ve been failing to feed.”

[Source: The Independent Post]

But, says Jane Greer, Ph.D., Redbook Online’s resident sex-and-relationships expert, there are certain core values that make some marriages more intimate and resilient than others. You could probably predict the list: trust, mutual respect, commitment and a strong sense of “we” in the relationship. What is surprising, experts point out, is that when you ask loving husbands and wives about the key to their devotion, over and over you’ll hear the same things, specific habits that mirror these values. Learning these secrets can make your marriage closer too.

Related: 50 Fun, Cheap Date Ideas

1. They use terms of endearment

Sure, you may find it cloyingly sweet when you overhear other couples talking like 2-year-olds, but endearments are actually a sign of a healthy rapport.

“Pet names take you back either to the happy childhood you had or the one you wish you had,” says Manhattan-based family therapist Carolyn Perla, Ph.D. “They signal a safe, supportive environment.” Also, these days, when we’re stretched to the limit trying to juggle jobs and kids, “pet names give us the chance to let down our guard, to be vulnerable and childlike. And they make us feel close to one another.”

These same feelings of intimacy can also come from using a special tone of voice with each other, sharing silly “inside jokes,” or pet-naming your spouse’s intimate body parts. The point is to connect with some private message system that’s meaningful to you alone, as a couple — not to the outside world. “This type of playfulness is a statement that you’re feeling comfortable with each other and with the relationship,” says Dr. Perla.

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2. They do stuff together

When that pheromone-crazy feeling of falling in love passes and happy couples no longer spend all day in bed, they look outward. They start businesses, refinish the attic or take up cooking together.

Of all the variables in a relationship — from commitment to communication — the amount of fun couples have together is the strongest factor in determining their overall marital happiness, according to a landmark study by Howard Markman, Ph.D., codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. Time spent playing together, says Dr. Markman, is an “investment in the relationship”; it provides a relaxed intimacy that strengthens the bond between two people. So even if your life is impossibly frantic, make the time for play. And do all you can to eliminate distractions. Leave the kids with a sitter, ditch the beeper and cell phone. The activity doesn’t have to be anything elaborate or costly. Exercising together, browsing in antiques stores, or renting a classic movie can help bring the two of you closer.

3. When the going gets tough, they don’t call Mom or Dad

The first task facing all young couples is separating from their families of origin, points out San Francisco-area-based family researcher Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go home for the holidays. But if there’s a crisis over whether to have a second child or relocate for a new job, or even if there’s good news about a big raise or the results of a medical test, the couple should talk about it together first before dialing Mom. “You wouldn’t believe how many people who are getting divorced say to me, ‘She was never mine,’ or ‘His mother always came first,’” Dr. Wallerstein observes.

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4. They stay connected to their parents

This doesn’t contradict No. 3: You can talk with your mom every day and still be clear about where your attachment to her ends and your love for your mate begins.

“Staying connected to parents, siblings, cousins and the like can be excellent for a marriage because it gives a sense of family continuity,” says Dr. Greer. “It generates positive feelings, especially when you incorporate your spouse into that family. You’re sharing that part of you with each other.”

5. They don’t nickel-and-dime about chores

It’s no secret that most wives continue to do more in the housekeeping and child-rearing departments than their husbands. Still, when partners become double-entry bookkeepers, adding up every dish washed and every diaper changed, they may be headed for trouble.

“Most couples think they should strive for a relationship that’s 50-50,” observes Dr. Perla, “but the fact is, they should each give 150 percent. In good relationships, couples give everything they can. They don’t nickel-and-dime each other, and they respect that each person gives different things.”

Related: 17 5-Minute Marriage Makeovers

6. They fight constructively

There’s fighting and then there’s fighting. When couples start yelling and throwing things, when they dredge up every single complaint they’ve ever had (or “kitchen-sinking,” as marital experts typically call it), you can be sure that they won’t be celebrating their silver anniversary together. “Studies show that the way couples handle conflict is the most important factor in determining whether or not they stay together,” observes Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D., a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont.

“Happy couples have learned the art of constructive arguing,” says Dr. Markman, whose research has demonstrated that it’s possible to predict whether or not a couple will divorce after watching them argue for 10 or 15 minutes. In strong marriages, he says, the partners take control of their disagreements by establishing ground rules. They may, for example, call a mutually agreed-upon time-out if the conflict is escalating and unproductive, agreeing to continue the discussion after a cooling-off period. They also truly listen to each other and won’t prematurely try to solve the problem before they’ve heard each other out. Above all, no matter how angry they get, they don’t resort to name-calling and insults — key danger signs, says Dr. Markman.

7. They give each other gifts

Couples who are deeply connected often give each other presents or write little notes, says Thomas Moore, Ph.D., best-selling author of Care of the Soul. What they’re doing is preserving the rituals, and the magic, of their courtship.

The gift should carry no strings. Sarah sometimes comes home from work to find that her husband has prepared a candlelight dinner. “But it’s not set up to be a prelude to sex,” Sarah says laughingly. “John does it because he wants me to feel loved.”

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8. They never lose their sense of humor

Humor, as many psychotherapists have observed, is the Krazy Glue that keeps a couple together. When a couple can no longer laugh together, Dr. Moore says, it’s a signal that the soul has gone out of their marriage and they are headed for trouble.

But Dr. Moore is quick to point out that lighthearted couples never mock each other. They instinctively know what is — and isn’t — fair game. “Sam would never dream of making fun of my big butt,” notes Catherine.

9. They take “for better or for worse” seriously

Contented couples encounter their share of life’s miseries — whether it’s the car breaking down, a nasty cold or a missed promotion — but they help each other get through. You don’t, for example, hear them say, “How could you let that happen?” when a spouse loses a job. “Couples who do well together tend not to do anything that increases their partner’s suffering, like become resentful or criticize,” notes Dr. Young-Eisendrath. In good marriages, people feel safe from the outside world. Each spouse, stresses Dr. Greer, has the feeling, “I can count on you, our world is all right.”